How do you know when you are on a first name basis?
A reader emailed a question about whether it was appropriate for a son’s girlfriend to call his parents by their first names, rather than Mr. and Mrs.
The son and girlfriend were college age.
Technically, it’s not appropriate to use a person’s first name, without permission. The right thing to do is use an honorific (Mr., Ms., Mrs., Dr. ...) until the person says, “Please call me (first name).”
Boundaries are blurred when you hit college age, because “the kids” are no longer kids and start thinking of themselves as independent adults and their friends’ parents as equals.
You may be thinking, “What does this have to do with business etiquette?”
Everything.
I frequently hear from people peeved at being called by their first name by interview candidates, customer service representatives, telemarketers and others they just met.
“Presumptuous! Too familiar!” the Formals cry.
“Prehistoric! Wound too tight!” the First Namers reply.
Maria Everding of The Etiquette Institute has a good guideline: “If the person is old enough to be your parent, use an honorific, until that person tells you to call them by their first name.”
In business, err on the side of formality. The other person can always say, “Please call me, (first name).” No harm, no foul. If you started out using a person’s first name and he or she was offended, you flunked your first impression.
Back to the girlfriend. Her gaffe may be due to lack of information, rather than rude intent. If you don’t want to be on a first name basis, proceed with a generous spirit, but let the person know you prefer Mr. and Mrs.
Or just share this article with someone you love.
Callista Gouldis a certified etiquette instructor, award-winning speaker and founder of the Culture and Manners Institute. She can be reached atcgould@cultureandmanners.comor on Twitter@MannersThatMove.
